Online Dating, Kink and Trauma Tingles

02jul11:0017:00Online Dating, Kink and Trauma TinglesLGBTQIA+ & WOMÊNIn-House Event11:00 - 17:00 FacilitatorEmma Steel (she/her)Categoryshibari

Health Guidelines for this Event

Physical Distance Maintained
Event Area Sanitized



Event Details

The term “trauma tingles” was coined by Nkem Ndefo and is talking about the sexy excitement many of us feel when we re-enact dramatic dynamics that feel very very familiar – and therefore „safe“ for the oldest part of our brain. Whatever we did when we were small was wise and adaptive and ensured our survival. But often, our old patterns are not helpful anymore.

With the aspect of “trauma tingles” in mind, it’s time for us to take an honest look at our dating patterns. Some of us keep running into the same dating dynamics over and over again. It is important to look at them with compassion. When BDSM or kink is part of what we desire we have a beautiful way in to explore and negotiate boundaries, consent, and desire. It is good to discern again and again what is open and honest communication and what is trauma tingles.

For some of us, online dating is like a liberation. For others, swiping can feel like ordering pizza, dehumanizing others and ourselves. Not being able to even imagine being part of this form of hooking up can feel alienating. Excessive online dating can be like drugs, or working too much, or whatever our coping mechanisms are – a way to avoid feelings like fear, sadness, and emptiness. Dynamics that come from what we did as kids to survive seem thrilling and sexy sometimes – trauma tingles.

This workshop will work with lots of practices to help our nervous systems avoid overwhelm and regulate on their own and to co-regulate with each other. There will be solo exercises and later in the day we will work in pairs or small groups with the option but not the obligation of touch.


Event Details

Date & Time: July 2nd, 2023, 11 am  – 5 pm (1-hour lunch break)

Format: workshop & discussion

Audience:  LGBTQIA+ & WOMÊN

Language: English

Minimum Knowledge Level:  –

What to Bring: yourself, your stories and openness, comfortable clothes

Solo or Partnered:  all constellations welcome, everyone needs a ticket

Ticket: Price is per person


What we will do in this workshop

– solo and pair/group exercises

– exercises to (co)-regulate the nervous system

– attachment (styles) and the human need to connect

– attachment problems and their relation to trauma

– intersectionality and positioning

– sharing stories (confidentiality is key in this class!)

– consent, boundaries, self-worth

– playfully connecting to ourselves and others


Accessibility Note

The workshop is held in spoken English. German can also be provided. The space, KARA, is on the ground floor but has three steps to enter the house. A ramp for wheelchairs is available at all times. There is also a parking space available right in front of the door if needed. KARA has an accessible bathroom available. There are no thresholds in the entire house. The garden is only partially accessible at the moment. During the workshop, we will sit on the floor. Sitting in a chair can also be provided. Adaptations for physical needs will be shown and can also be provided upon request. If you participate in this workshop and need more assistance please message us at beforehand. 


Mandatory Covid-19 rules

If you would like to inform yourself about other safety measures we have in place, please consult our Covid-19 measurements here.


Who is this event for?

LGBTQIA+ describes the full spectrum of non-mainstream sexual orientation and/or gender identity, meaning: lesbian, gay, bisexual, pansexual, transgender, non-binary, genderqueer/fluid,

Friends describes people of any and all kinds of gender and sexual identities who are aware and respectful of the necessity, needs, and boundaries of a queer safe(r) space and its marginalized community.

When you consider yourself a friend you show acknowledgement to and are respectful of everyone’s self-expression and do not assume, presume or project non-consensual ideas onto others. You actively request and use people’s chosen pronouns. You remain mindful of the fact that Karada House is first and foremost a space for queer people that you are also invited to attend. You have a genuine concern for the well-being of LGBTQIA+ people and remain in awareness of heterosexual and gender straight privileges.

Friends don’t have to be perfect. None of us are. We request that we all pro-actively work and strive to be good friends and allies to marginalized people.


Emma Steel (she/her)

Emma Steel inhabits many different worlds, recently one of them has been her world of online dating and decreasing trauma tingles. She also spends a lot of time in her garden and by the Havel river. More than a decade and a half of working as a pro Domme and four years of working as a trauma therapist have been the beautiful flip side of her own healing trip, being held by others (also by the more-than-humans). More and more the imaginary binaries of those roles dissolve. She identifies as slut, queer, femme, cis, white, child of a working class mother and a middle class father, witch, forever student, dysfunctional family trauma survivor, recovering activist, sex worker, artist

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Price 60,00 €

ticket amount -1 +

Total Price 60,00 €

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